The Great Unfollowing: How Influencers Are Under Increasing Pressure to Speak About Social Issues and What Some Are Doing About It

It all started with a little black square.

It was Monday, May 25th, 2020. George Floyd was murdered in the streets of Minneapolis for using an alleged $20 counterfeit bill at a convenience store. The world watched for 8 minutes and 46 seconds as a police officer kneeled on Floyd’s neck, refusing to relent despite pleas of “I can’t breathe” which would become the rally cry for millions of marchers in the days to come. It was a centuries late wake-up call to White Americans about the staggering level of systemic racism in our country.

Many took to social media to address the atrocity. Some were quicker to respond than others. But word spread, pressure mounted and a week later #BlackOutTuesday was born. Feeds were flooded with singular black blocks. And while it was a strong showing of solidarity, most saw it for what it was: posturing. Because hours later, it was back to business as usual. And that was for the ones who posted. Those that didn’t, likely for fear of messing up their cohesive, sepia-toned squares, were never even burdened to begin with.

Fast forward seven months. Donald Trump, the lame yet extremely dangerous duck, has just incited a deadly insurrection at the Capitol. And while most are not surprised, it’s no less sickening.

Two months later, the violence against the Asian-American community reaches a crescendo. 8 people, 6 of them Asian women, are killed in a mass shooting targeting Atlanta salons. #StopAAPIHate starts trending on social media as the highly publicized trial for Derek Chauvin, the disgraced officer who knelt on George Floyd’s neck, begins.

Once again, citizens take to social media to share their thoughts. Many voice their disgust. Others defend, even support the actions of the rioting right-wingers and argue that the Atlanta shooting wasn’t a hate crime. The two camps battle it out in the comments. There is a lot of noise. But it’s the silence that’s the most deafening, particularly among influencers.

Much like our society, politicians and police, social media’s elite were also fraught for a takedown. I should know. I’m one of them. While I’m considered a micro blogger and my platform, @nataliethomasfriedman, has a fraction of followers as the heavy hitters, there’s increasing frustration among many of us that our peers aren’t using their platform responsibly. And it isn’t just us, we’re hearing complaints from our communities too.

Some argue that they’re not a news outlet, want to keep it light or don’t know what to say. But no matter the recycled excuse, their silence remains. For many of us, it’s the tipping point to years of intolerable behavior. What was once an eye roll, gossip fodder or even the occasional hate follow, is the push we needed to finally unfollow. The feeling is so prevalent that it’s become its own trend. Now along with buying Beauty Counter products and Our Place pans, we’re unfollowing the very influencers who sold us them.

It must be noted that I’m not exempt from any of this. I do sponsored brand deals, feature much loved items and talk about trivial things. And I’ve made mistakes, offended others, been called out when I deserved to be and continue to receive my share of negative messages. But even with backstage access and my own culpability, the topic still astounds me. So I spent the last few months looking into the new wave of social awakening. I’ve watched Stories, checked out new accounts, read comments and even asked my own readers to gain a better understanding of who’s using their platform, who isn’t and how they feel about it.

One of my favorite bloggers spoke about her struggles to understand those that remain silent. “Friends, family, people I don’t know in real life but follow(ed) and admire(d) on social media. For some, it has deepened my respect and love for them so profoundly… But for many others, it has shown a selfishness, irresponsibility, racism, complicity or lack of empathy that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. In many ways, I am grateful for how eye opening 2020 was. I think a lot of us knew about these traits in many people in our life, and even in ourselves, but they were easily ignored, due to our privilege, before 2020 became a magnifying glass so clear we could no longer ignore them. I think it will help us make more just, equitable and informed choices about what we do and who we spend our time with.”

But for every one influencer that spoke about our country in crisis, there were dozens that didn’t.

I poll my audience often. It’s what my entire blog was based on (choose my own adventure) before Instagram invented a button and made my life much easier. But never before have I had such a resounding answer. Almost everyone pointed me to a Connecticut family blogger that I was aware of and used to follow. She seemed sweet and I liked her aesthetic and affordable finds. I even messaged her a few times. But, ultimately, unfollowed her in one of my many social purges for no other reason than she wasn’t bringing much to my life. She was excess, vanilla. I could take or leave her. So I left. Peacefully. Oh, what a day to return.

Her Stories began with a screenshot of a conversation she had with one of her followers. It was in response to a slide she shared about the content she had lined up for the week. It read, “What about denouncing white supremacists? Is that on the agenda this week?” God, I love the internet. Her reply, “No, it’s not.”

She then proceeded to share twenty slides talking about why it wasn’t on the agenda. “Yesterday, my day was completely ruined because of some online bullying that was happening because of this exact issue.” It got worse from there. “There’s that saying ‘don’t judge a person if you haven’t walked a mile in their shoes’ and I need you guys to think about that… There are all different ways that influencers respond to this topic and trauma. And not even just influencers, like, everybody… I have gone down this road before and it didn’t serve me well. It ruined my week… What I’m asking of you is to respect people… There’s room for so many different conversations… And influencers, we’re human. Just because we have these big platforms doesn’t mean we have the capability to discuss these topics here… I’ve gotta be a mom and I’ve gotta be a teacher (supervising distance learning) and I’ve gotta run a business. We need to show people grace and accept people’s differences. It’s times like these when people show their true colors so… noted… let’s talk about design.”

What’s most interesting, to me, is that she took considerable time and energy away from being a mom, “teacher” and business owner to explain her stance on not taking a stance when she could’ve shut it all down in one slide denouncing white supremacy.

Bullying is a serious issue. I’m not condoning divisive or hurtful language and I’m not privy to these particular conversations. But there’s a difference between bullying and challenging. And bullying’s often an excuse tone deaf adults use to deflect. Also, you can’t help but appreciate the humor in this particular deflection.

bully [ˈbo͝olē] VERB bullying (present participle) use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.

There’s so much more to unpack here but, for time’s sake, let’s focus on her issues of respect and acceptance. Both are reasons we find ourselves in our current situation. And I’m not talking about bloggers being bullied.

Honorable mentions go out to influencers from Indianapolis, Charleston, Maine, Minnesota and Tennessee, just to name a few. But it’s not just female figures that refuse to speak up. In my super scientific research, I stumbled upon a male influencer who focuses on sketch comedy to promote his sponsorships.

“People DM me and other people like me saying it’s my responsibility to talk about what’s going on in the news. First of all, it’s not. What’s going on in the news is horrible, it’s just, it’s not fun… I’m not a politician. I’m not educated on politics. I don’t speak about politics. It’s just not my thing. No one’s DM’ing Justin Bieber saying, ‘Hey, stop singing music and talk about politics.’ So you get what I’m saying? Think of it like this, ‘When I want to laugh, I turn on The Office or Friends. I don’t tune into The Office to hear Steve Carell talk about politics or what’s going on in the world.”

No, Sweetie, because The Office was a scripted show in which Steve Carell played a fictional character. It was filmed on a lot in Los Angeles from 2005–2013. So, you’re right, no one’s tuning into The Office to hear Steve Carell, as Michael Scott, talk about the 2021 insurrection at the Capitol. And for the record, Biebs totally talks politics. But, you’re right, what’s going on in the news is not fun.

And then there’s those that completely miss the mark. Such is the case with a hugely successful self-help author and life coach. No stranger to criticism (she drew heat last year for plagiarizing a Maya Angelou quote which she blamed on her team), she’s been known to clap back at those calling her out. In a recent Instagram Live where she spoke about having a having a house cleaner, one follower responded that she was “privileged AF” and then followed up with “you’re unrelatable.” That sparked a reaction post where she went off on Tik Tok (and shared on Instagram).

“What is it about me that made you think I want to be relatable? No, Sis, literally everything I do in my life is to live a life that most people can’t relate to. Most people won’t work this hard. Most people won’t get up at 4am. Literally every women I admire in history was unrelatable.” She captioned the post “Harriet Tubman, RBG, Marie Curie, Oprah Winfrey, Amelia Earhart, Frida Kahlo, Malala Yousafzai, Wu Zeitan… all unrelatable AF. Happy Women’s History Month!”

I don’t need to explain why a woman reducing another woman’s role as a domestic worker to “cleaning the toilets” while praising her own ability to hire help because she works harder and gets up earlier than the rest of us, and then, in the same breath, lumps herself in with pioneers who fought for their lives and our freedoms is, at best, delusional and, at worst, problematic to our advancement. I’ll let her followers do it for me.

“All of these women listed are, in fact, relatable! They persevered through real economical and social injustices to speak their truth and fight for their voice in the world.”

“What are you even talking about… are you saying being able to afford a house cleaner makes you the same as… Harriet Tubman? Who risked her life to free enslaved people? Please tell me that’s not what you’re saying!”

“You miss the point entirely. Having privilege isn’t about not having to work hard, but rather not having the hurdles that the oppressed experienced. Not recognizing this makes you harmful to those who experience oppression. Your response shows a complete lack of awareness which serves to uphold the systems of oppression. You are unknowingly harmful.”

“I’d rather clean toilets every day of my goddamned life than be disconnected from the struggles, joys and victories of my fellow human beings.”

“Most of the women on your list were systemically oppressed. Several were deeply and suicidally depressed. I know this is a ‘screw you, I don’t care, validate me’ video, but it would’ve felt so much more genuine with room for nuance. The concepts at play in this convo are not linear. I imagine the women on your list might agree.”

“Hey, maybe you don’t say you’ve worked your ass off when you’re mentioning Harriet Tubman in your caption. Just a thought.”

“I hate cancel culture and the push to make people apologize for their perceived privilege, but it’s truly gross to compare your financial/career success in the modern world to the obstacles overcome and sacrifices made by the historical women you mention in your caption. And then using the self-comparison as a plug for International Women’s Day?”

There were 20,000 comments. She normally averages a couple hundred.

But despite the warranted backlash, plenty still believe that public figures should get a pass. While most of the comments I read and conversations I had were appreciative of the influencers who speak out and challenge or unfollow those that don’t, there were many that said they welcome a distraction and don’t think it’s necessary for Instagrammers to address social issues.

And then there are those that turn on you for taking a stand. In the last year, I’ve lost over five thousand followers. That’s not a typo. Five thousand plus people disagreed with me saying Black Lives Matter and corruption at the Capitol is wrong. Thankfully, most just went. But there were, of course, those that had to announce their departure before doing so.

“I used to enjoy you before you got all political.”

All political. If getting on Stories and speaking about racial and social injustice, in addition to sharing my usual content (my messy life with my old soul seven-year-old, cute threenager and reluctant Instagram husband) then, yes, I’m all political. And pleased to be so. I see it as getting all human. But tomato, tomahto.

The getting political angle is argued often. Usually it’s in living rooms across America shouting at award winners during their acceptance speeches. “Stick to acting!” The sentiment is echoed on Twitter. At what point did entertainers sign away their rights to care about their country and their kids’ future? Was it when they got their SAG card?

It’s getting political if you don’t have anything to lose. Getting political is a luxury, a privilege. And it’s only afforded to those who look like me. It’s not getting political to a mother of another color. Or her children she fears for. To her, it’s essential, critical. We must speak up because we know the difference. Because history sides with us. Because we’re part of the problem and we’re only listening to each other and our LIKEtoKNOW.it links.

We can be and do both. We can share items that we’re loving. We can give a head’s up on sales to help our readers save money while making some for ourselves. We can keep it (mostly) light and fun to give people the dose of dopamine they’re looking for. And we can also speak about issues that matter. They’re not mutually exclusive. If you can jump from Flat Tummy Tea to Red Baron frozen pizza, you can certainly take a hard turn to today’s headlines.

The argument that influencers should stay in our lane suggests we’re one-dimensional facades only capable of one kind of content and, worse, thought process. We perpetuate that notion by sticking to the never-agreed-upon script. The era of polished public figures is over. People crave authenticity. Part of that is acknowledging what’s going on in the world.

Staying in our lane also undermines the power we have. It’s not just retail dollars we rack up, we’ve cleared teacher’s lists, raised thousands of dollars for communities in crisis and contributed to voter turnout. Our influence extends far beyond the closet and we’re selling ourselves- and our country- short by playing small.

My own social evolution went from blogging (poorly, I might add) about fashion and food to focusing on motherhood and mental health. What was once a feed filled with flat lays is now my own little black (and white) squares that encourage conversation. Whether it’s about anxiety, depression, Covid, Black Lives Matter, the election or the insurrection, I talk about it. I understand that makes many uncomfortable. And that’s exactly why I do it.

Regardless of whether you’re being unfollowed for speaking up or unfollowed for not, you’re still being unfollowed. Wouldn’t you rather it be for standing for something other than your right to be silent?

Natalie Thomas is a writer and contributor to The Today Show, HuffPo and Parents Magazine. She’s currently shopping a book proposal about the lies she told herself and the lessons she’s learned over the past thirty years.